so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
