Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
