Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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