I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
