dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
