What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
