Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Are we still banned from the library?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
