I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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