Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
