well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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