I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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