Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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