I am in a vortex of obligation.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
