just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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