he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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