He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
