How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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