i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
