Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
