i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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