he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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