you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
