Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
