So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My life is pants optional.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
