i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
