my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
