he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My liver just had a heart attack.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
