I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
