you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
