I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
