put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
