I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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