There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
