I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
