you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
