my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
