dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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