gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
