I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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