How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
