Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
