Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
