Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
