i dont even know how to be here
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
