I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
