Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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