maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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