areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
