ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
