Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
