Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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