My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
